Most health food stores carry natural sleep aids with nervines, herbs that nourish the brain and nervous system, which are mildly sedating, grounding and stabilizing.  Gentle and non-toxic, these herbs usually take effect after 4-6 weeks of use.

• Skullcap
• Passionflower
• Chamomille
• Hops
• Valerian

Jatamamsi (Indian valerian)

Board-certified in internal medicine, Carrie Demers, MD, is the director of the Himalayan Institute Total Health Center.

Read the rest of Dr. Carrie’s article on insomnia, “A Good Night’s Sleep” in the spring 2012 issue of Yoga International.

how to say no

You caved — again. Now you’re stuck chairing the annual fund-raiser (or cat-sitting for your neighbor, or working late). What if you could turn down that request, that offer, that invite, and not feel so guilty about it afterward? Wouldn’t it be great if once, just once, you could stick to your guns and say no when you needed to most?

There are lots of reasons we struggle with “no.” Some feel bound by obligation or by fear of hurting someone’s feelings. Others believe they really can do it all (and hate to pass up the opportunity to try). But think about it: Almost every misplaced yes is really a no to yourself.

“When you can’t say no,” says negotiator William Ury, Ph.D., author of “The Power of a Positive No,” “you give up what’s essential to you in favor of what other people want.” You also put yourself on a fast track to a meltdown. “When you take on more than you can handle, you eventually burn out,” says Nanette Gartrell, M.D., author of My Answer Is No … If That’s Okay with You. “It’s not uncommon to develop exhaustion or even depression as a result.”

By asserting yourself in a considerate, confident way, says Ury, you can be selective about what you take on without jeopardizing friendships — a people-pleaser’s biggest fear. Try our five-step plan so that you can start saying no — and stop feeling guilty.

Five Steps to Saying No
1. Find Your Yes
Before you can even think about getting good at saying no, get clear on what to say yes to in life. If your yes is more time with your family, that will mean turning down obligations that keep you away from home. If it’s yes to better health, you’ll need to say no to late nights at work that keep you from the gym. The firmer your foundation and connection to your yes, says Ury, the less difficult it will be to say no. After all, you’ll be answering to a higher cause.

2. Buy Some Time
Whenever possible, don’t respond to a request on the spot. This keeps you from saying yes under pressure (“Um … sure I’ll host the baby shower”) or reacting emotionally to the request, especially when you’re feeling stressed out. “We can’t say no without getting a firm grip on our natural reactions and emotions,” says Ury — and that won’t happen unless you’ve taken the time to collect your thoughts.

To gain some perspective, Ury suggests getting some distance from the issue at hand physically and mentally for a few hours, or even a day. Figure out whose interests are at stake, what’s really being asked of you, and whether it makes sense to say yes. But be sure not to wait too long; leave the person hanging indefinitely, and you could damage a relationship.

3. Deliver Your No with Grace and Resolve
The moment of truth can be the most difficult of all, particularly when you’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. Ury suggests a “yes-no-yes” approach: First, share what you’re currently saying yes to (“My mother and I always go out for breakfast on Saturday mornings”). Then say no (“So I won’t be able to help you set up for the brunch you’re hosting”).

But don’t stop there. After you’ve turned someone down, affirm your good intentions by closing with another yes — this time, to a mutually positive outcome (“But I’d be happy to help clean up after it’s over”). In so doing, you relieve some of the frustration wrought by closing a door, while sending the message that you respect the other person’s needs.

For greater requests of your time — say, to serve on the town board or help a colleague launch her new business — be direct and to the point: You’re flattered but have decided to devote any free time to your children’s school instead. Avoid burdening the other person with unnecessary or elaborate excuses (such as how your mother moved away and can’t watch the kids). You run the risk of the other person trying to fix the situation (“Bring the kids, then!”). Plus, the more drawn-out the excuse, the less authentic it sounds — and, in the end, it’s really no one else’s business.

4. Have a Plan B
Even if the other person gets emotional or reactive after you’ve delivered your no, don’t yield under pressure — as difficult as this may seem. Instead, take a deep breath and listen attentively to his or her objections. Then, gently but firmly, underscore your no — and keep it simple and clean; no backpedaling or scrambling for defense.

What if your no is met with extreme resistance? Your in-laws insist that you spend the holidays at their home again; a colleague plays hardball in pressuring you into taking over a project. For this, Ury proposes having a Plan B. Think about what’s at stake (your time, resources, or respect) and be ready to pursue another path if your original no goes unheeded.

If your no fails to convince a pushy coworker that you can’t take on extra projects, for instance, plan to bring the conversation to a close and go to your boss with your concerns if necessary. If your sister has a habit of dropping the kids off unannounced (despite your protests that you have other pressing obligations), decide that next time she ignores your no, you will respectfully tell her you already have plans — and then leave the house. “The key here is not necessarily to leap to Plan B,” says Ury, “but to have it in mind so that, going in, you know you have alternatives.”

Note that while Plan B works wonders when it comes to isolated situations, it can also be incredibly helpful in addressing general patterns you fall into. Your Achilles’ heel might be lending money to friends and family (and forgetting to get repaid) or going weak when the nonprofit solicitors come knocking. Recognize these tendencies, and you’ll be more effective in lining up your own backup plan.

5. Cut Yourself Some Slack
Even with practice, some will always find saying no a challenge. For the dyed-in-the-wool people pleaser, there may be a twinge of guilt — and, for the overly ambitious, regret. Realize that your perennial inclination to offer help is something to be lauded, not criticized. “Be proud of the qualities that make it so hard to say no — thoughtfulness, empathy, compassion, generosity,” says Gartrell. “Without them, the infrastructure of our society would collapse.” Just bear in mind that by balancing your “pleaser” and “doer” tendencies with a commitment to your values, you’ll be stronger for it. Even better, you’ll be a more focused contributor to the people and things that matter most to you.

How to Say No
There’s more than one way to say it. Skip the excuses and opt for one of these suggestions from author William Ury.

“Not now.” This softens the blow and keeps the door open for another time.

“I have another commitment.” No other excuse required; you honor your commitments.

“Maybe I can help you find someone who can.” This shows respect and concern.

“I have a personal policy about …” And fill in the blank. By saying this, you put the focus on a prior commitment to yourself without opening the door for an argument (useful, say, when someone wants you to commit to working on Saturdays or give to a charity when you have a different one in mind).

“I don’t want to take on what I can’t fully commit to doing well.” This is a yes to higher standards.

adapted from Body + Soul, March 2008

the sleep and pain connection

Waking up in the idle of the night can be a pain — literally. New research from John’s Hopkins University shows that prolonged sleep disturbances may contribute to chronic pain, most likely by hindering the body’s natural pain-control functions. The study followed 32 healthy women for a week: For three nights, one group of participants was woken up every hour for eight hours, while the rest slept undisturbed. On the following days, women in the disrupted-sleep group experienced an increase in spontaneous pain.

If you do wake up during the night, help yourself swiftly return to dreamland by breathing deeply and counting each breath. “And don’t try to recover by consuming a lot of caffeine the next day,” urges sleep specialist and neurologist Dr. Sarah Zallek. “That’s just going to make you more likely to have another bad night of sleep.”

adapted from Body + Soul 2007

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exhaustion cures - setting your Zen Alarm Clock

Are you feeling stressed, fatigued, and burned out? Discover the top 10 ways to put a stopper in your personal energy drains

Consider this simple question: How are you?
We answer it 10 times a day, often rejoining with a clipped “Fine” or “Busy!” accompanied by a glazed smile. But when your best friend or spouse asks, perhaps you tell the deeper truth: You’re stressed out and tired. Really tired.

“Busy,” “stressed,” and “tired” are intimately connected. They describe the ethos of our times — and its inevitable aftermath. We balance work, family, friends, and our various self-improvement programs. We take in a steady stream of information from the people, screens, phones, and sounds that surround us. We don’t sleep enough. We multitask like crazy, striving to get more done in less time.

For a while, maybe even years, it’s easy to feel like you can handle this frantic pace — or even thrive at it. But ultimately, it works against you. “Stress is pervasive in our society, and it’s only getting worse,” says integrative-medicine expert Woodson Merrell, M.D., author of “The Source: Unleash Your Natural Energy, Power Up Your Health, and Feel 10 Years Younger.” “And people do not necessarily have the coping skills to deal with it, even when they think they do.” We often don’t realize how much of our days are spent dealing with stressful situations, and on a physiological level, the effects of stress add up. “You don’t start every day with a clean slate,” he says. “You start the day with all the stress you’ve accumulated in your life, and you add to that.”

No wonder we’re so tired. In fact, many experts contend that chronic stress and our inability to cope with it are the biggest factors in fatigue. “I hear it all the time. People tell me, ‘I have no energy, I can’t sleep, I’m exhausted,'” says Andrew Weil, M.D., director of the Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine at the University of Arizona and author of “Healthy Aging.” 

This “tired-wired” state has become a cultural condition, he adds. And for those that struggle with it, fatigue can also become a significant crisis. “Your personal energy level should meet the demands of the day. Your sense of well-being should be good most of the time,” says Weil. “When it’s not, you have a real quality-of-life shortage.”

As is always the case, however, in crisis lies opportunity. Fatigue, it turns out, can be a terrific teacher, giving you a chance to slow down and examine your life, learn more about yourself, and consider what’s really important. 

For starters, you want to cover your bases by eating a healthy diet, getting regular exercise, maintaining good sleep habits, and following other steps toward sound overall energy hygiene. But many of our most potent energy drains fly under the radar. By taking careful stock of your daily habits, work life, and relationships, you can begin to see patterns that cause your vitality to slip away unnoticed; make some simple changes, and you’ll plug these leaks and start feeling better.  Choosing a gentle, chiming Alarm Clock to awaken you in the morning could be step 1.

Japanese Leaves Dial Face in Burgundy Finish by Now & Zen

Here, Merrell, Weil, and other experts highlight 10 surprising causes of fatigue and offer thought-provoking solutions to help you energize your mind, body, and spirit — and your life.

1. Exhaustion Cause: Good News
We know that our energy gets drained by negative events: death of a spouse, divorce, imprisonment, getting fired, serious illness or injury, losing your home or savings. But positive events can drain us, too, says Alice Domar, Ph.D., executive director of the Domar Center for Mind/Body Health in Waltham, Massachusetts. “Getting married, having a baby, buying a new house, getting promoted at work — these are all positive steps, but they often come with a lot of worry, which can be exhausting.”

To further complicate the picture, it’s hard to find support when things are going great. “Tell people you’re exhausted because you’re caring for your dying mother, and you’ll get all the support in the world,” Domar says. “Tell them you’re exhausted because you got a fantastic new job, and they’ll be like, ‘Give me a break!’ ”

Exhaustion Cure: Make a Positive Prep Plan
The best way to end-run positive exhaustion? Prepare for it. “When you start getting tired,” says Domar, “ask yourself two questions: ‘What’s being asked of me that I don’t feel that I can deliver?’ and ‘Am I accurately perceiving what’s needed?'” Then make a list of what really needs to be done, and when. “We often feel like everything needs to happen at once, and that’s not true,” says Domar. Breaking things down into manageable chunks lets you catch your breath so you can plan and delegate accordingly.

adapted from Body + Soul, September 2009

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